How to Talk to Your Husband about Problems without Fighting

It seems so cliché to say that men and women do not think alike, but many couples would benefit from acknowledging these differences. Knowing what to say and how to say it can mean the difference in an amicable resolution and a terrible fight.

Actively listen to your spouse. It is important for a husband to comprehend, not only his wife's most pressing concerns, but to dig deeper and find out how these problems affect her emotionally. Men tend to approach solving problems in the same way that they tackle challenges at work; identify the problem, brainstorm solutions, and fix it. This works very well for handling many of life's challenges, but certainly not all of them. A woman expects her man to automatically adapt to each problem, consider how it affects her on a personal level, and handle it carefully and appropriately. A man would rather solve a problem quickly, get it behind him, and move on to happier things. This is where things get a little tricky.

Be flexible. In order to communicate effectively, both men and women have to compromise to some extent. Husbands need to spend more time learning what makes their wife tick and be able to identify which things are most important to her so that he can carefully match them with any corresponding problems as they arise. Women need to be patient and realize that not every problem will receive a perfect and timely solution. Sometimes, it's acceptable to leave a few things broken in order to address larger problems.

Be respectful of each other. Both a husband and a wife need to use appropriate dialog when speaking to each other. For example, "Would you mind cleaning up the living room?" is perfectly acceptable. "You never pick up anything in here! Look at this mess! I always have to do everything and all you do is walk in and throw your junk on the floor and leave it for me to clean up!" is a little harsh. While both phrases will probably get the job done, the latter will lead to aggravation and probably an exchange of vicious words. Don't speak in generalities. Just because your husband overlooks something, don't berate him and tell him that he doesn't care. Avoid using the words "always" and "never." Do they really apply? Speak in a thoughtful manner and if you are addressing a specific concern with your husband, make the conversation about that and don't jump around and try to include everything that he's ever done to irritate you. This will confuse and aggravate him every time because he won't know for certain which problem is bothering you the most. Rather than try to fix everything at one time, it is easier for him to retreat.

Don't let the sun go down on your problems. Make the start of each day a good one. If something is bothering you in the evening, don't go to bed angry. At least try to resolve it before you sleep and if you can't, then declare a truce and resume the argument later. Don't leave the house in a fit of rage. Many people get into fights and one person jumps in the car and screeches off. It is not safe to drive when you are in a heightened emotional state. If you need a break from each other, go to separate ends of the house or go outside and get some fresh air, but don't drive away. Don't use cheap insults when speaking to each other and try not to say things you don't mean just to hurt each other's feelings. When the smoke clears and you settle down, things like that tend to leave uncertainty and weird vibes between people.

Speak to each other the way that you would like to be spoken to. Don't be condescending or mean. If you find that it is impossible to have civilized conversations with your spouse, you should seriously question whether your relationship is meant to last. If you are at this point, seek professional help from a licensed family counselor.


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How to Handle People Who are Rude to Your Family

It is nearly impossible to avoid rude people these days. Everywhere you go people are invading your family’s space with foul language, obnoxious behavior, cigarette and cigar smoke, obscenity, and a host of things that you would prefer to shield your family from. You don’t have to back down or run away when you encounter these people.

The first and most obvious way to avoid confrontation with rude people is to only take your family to "family-friendly" places. If you are hanging out in a bar at 11:00pm with your children, you should probably consider leaving rather than asking everyone to quiet down and stop drinking. Later, evaluate why you were there with your children in the first place. I know, this scenario sounds absurd, but I witness it all the time. In a family-friendly environment, people are more polite and more tolerant of children's mischief. Usually these places are smoke-free, don't serve alcohol, and typically don't tolerate obscene behavior. This, in itself, is a deterrent for a large part of the crowd that you are trying to avoid while spending family time.

Be prepared because no matter where you take your family, you will eventually encounter people who have no regard for others and these are the ones you have to make the decision whether to confront or avoid. The easy thing to do is to pick up your family and move away from them or leave rather than try to correct the situation, but this approach teaches your children to run away from problems rather than handle them. Also, this person may be causing discomfort to a lot of other people and will continue to do so until their behavior is corrected. They should be stopped!

Evaluate each situation for what it is. Is the offending person breaking a rule of the establishment that you are visiting or are they violating any law? Is their behavior affecting other people? Is your family's safety or health threatened because of this person? If confrontation is the solution you choose, establish friendly contact with the person and remind them that they are in a family environment and ask that they refrain from whatever it is that they are doing. Don't use obscenities or insults and don't project threatening body language. Be polite and speak in a firm voice, but don't be loud and try to draw attention. If you embarrass the person right away, they may retaliate against you for that reason alone. The person may be unaware that their behavior is offensive and you don't want to be perceived as the obnoxious one. If they apologize and stop their behavior, return to your family and try to avoid contact with the person for the remainder of your visit. Do not discuss what just happened with your family until you are completely out of that environment.

If the person disregards you or is rude to you, then do a second evaluation. Is this person stronger or more physically fit than you? Could they possibly have a weapon? Are you outnumbered? If any of these situations are true, then you should choose your next move wisely. It is not worth sustaining bodily harm or going to jail for a stupid mistake. If you have an obvious advantage over the person, repeat your request and inform them that if their behavior does not improve immediately, you will seek assistance from security or a manager of the establishment. If these people are not available or if the person seems unimpressed, then take your mobile phone from your pocket and call the police. Inform the person that you are calling the police as you walk away, but be careful to watch your back. The thought of being arrested may influence the offender to move on or it may cause the situation to escalate quickly.

Do not assault the person or threaten them under any circumstance! If they attack you, then you are welcome to defend yourself and any witnesses to the event will surely corroborate your story if the authorities are involved at a later time. Just be careful not to take on more than you can handle. Your family's safety is absolutely your top priority and you should avoid all of this if possible, but at some point, you have to make a stand and say "enough is enough" or rude people will gradually taint every enjoyable family establishment available to the rest of us.


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How to Become a Crime Fighter

As the sun creeps away from the heart of the city and leaves it veiled in the cloak of night, a loan vigilante watches and waits. He waits to deliver justice to those who thrive in darkness and prey on the innocent… OK, that’s actually not the kind of crime fighter that I’m talking about, but you’re welcome to become that too if you want.

Educate yourself. Fighting crime doesn't require a cool costume and high tech weapons. Some of the most effective crime fighters use their heads instead and fight crime through education and intervention. They set an example to others and put forth the effort to make our world a better place.

Make a difference in someone's life. In order to prevent crime, it helps to go where crime begins and treat the source. What causes crime? Greed, poverty, social pressure, and corruption are some of the causes of crime. So how do you prevent these things? To some degree, you can't, but you can lessen the negative impact that these things have on our youth. People who care enough to intervene and teach young people how to live and how to support a family are the ones who make a difference.

Unite with your friends and neighbors. Neighborhoods that band together and march in unity send a message to drug dealers and gangs that they aren't welcome on their streets. Parents who spend time with their children and teach them values are crime fighters. The average Joe who cares enough about other people to return a wallet or purse to the rightful owner with everything intact is a crime fighter. Employees who risk their jobs by blowing the whistle on corrupt business practices are crime fighters. Police officers and elected government officials are crime fighters.

Set a good example for others. You don't have to wear a cape or a mask to be a crime fighting hero. You only have to live a good life yourself and help keep other people honest. If you want to wear a cape and mask while you do it... well, you'll probably end up explaining why to the police at some point.


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How to Diffuse a Family Argument

It’s not uncommon for family members to eventually get on each others nerves. Something as simple as a misunderstanding can erupt into a major fight. How can you calm everyone down and get things back to normal?

The first thing to do is separate the people who are fighting. If things escalate too far, you may not be able to stop the fight and people could be hurt emotionally or worse, physically.  Talk to both people separately and find out exactly why they are angry. If a misunderstanding has occurred, this will bring things to light. If both parties have a legitimate gripe, then it's going to take more work to find a solution.  Try to remain objective and don't take sides. If other people try to intervene, decide whether they are helping or hurting the situation and if they are making things worse, encourage them to stand down.

Speak to each person and remind them that you love them and that they are family. Get everyone calmed down enough to talk. If it looks like that will not happen, encourage everyone to separate and spend some time cooling down.  If everyone goes their separate ways for the time being, ask that they immediately write down as many of the details about the situation as they possibly can. They should also write down as many ideas as they can for resolving the situation.  Sometimes, it just takes time to heal the wounds caused by a major argument. If this is the only option, then just wait it out. Remind everyone how important family is and stay in touch with both sides.


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