Actively listen to your spouse. It is important for a husband to comprehend, not only his wife's most pressing concerns, but to dig deeper and find out how these problems affect her emotionally. Men tend to approach solving problems in the same way that they tackle challenges at work; identify the problem, brainstorm solutions, and fix it. This works very well for handling many of life's challenges, but certainly not all of them. A woman expects her man to automatically adapt to each problem, consider how it affects her on a personal level, and handle it carefully and appropriately. A man would rather solve a problem quickly, get it behind him, and move on to happier things. This is where things get a little tricky.
Be flexible. In order to communicate effectively, both men and women have to compromise to some extent. Husbands need to spend more time learning what makes their wife tick and be able to identify which things are most important to her so that he can carefully match them with any corresponding problems as they arise. Women need to be patient and realize that not every problem will receive a perfect and timely solution. Sometimes, it's acceptable to leave a few things broken in order to address larger problems.
Be respectful of each other. Both a husband and a wife need to use appropriate dialog when speaking to each other. For example, "Would you mind cleaning up the living room?" is perfectly acceptable. "You never pick up anything in here! Look at this mess! I always have to do everything and all you do is walk in and throw your junk on the floor and leave it for me to clean up!" is a little harsh. While both phrases will probably get the job done, the latter will lead to aggravation and probably an exchange of vicious words. Don't speak in generalities. Just because your husband overlooks something, don't berate him and tell him that he doesn't care. Avoid using the words "always" and "never." Do they really apply? Speak in a thoughtful manner and if you are addressing a specific concern with your husband, make the conversation about that and don't jump around and try to include everything that he's ever done to irritate you. This will confuse and aggravate him every time because he won't know for certain which problem is bothering you the most. Rather than try to fix everything at one time, it is easier for him to retreat.
Don't let the sun go down on your problems. Make the start of each day a good one. If something is bothering you in the evening, don't go to bed angry. At least try to resolve it before you sleep and if you can't, then declare a truce and resume the argument later. Don't leave the house in a fit of rage. Many people get into fights and one person jumps in the car and screeches off. It is not safe to drive when you are in a heightened emotional state. If you need a break from each other, go to separate ends of the house or go outside and get some fresh air, but don't drive away. Don't use cheap insults when speaking to each other and try not to say things you don't mean just to hurt each other's feelings. When the smoke clears and you settle down, things like that tend to leave uncertainty and weird vibes between people.
Speak to each other the way that you would like to be spoken to. Don't be condescending or mean. If you find that it is impossible to have civilized conversations with your spouse, you should seriously question whether your relationship is meant to last. If you are at this point, seek professional help from a licensed family counselor.
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